Toodles.

I think I'll changed it to http://www.heartclips.tumblr.com/ and make it less crude.

I've moved!

I've officially moved..toodles!

http://www.fuckyeahdesignerlife.tumblr.com/

Banged up Local

New Hairstyle!

Change is for the better.

I woke up and said,

" Wait a minute! Why am I in bed?"
" Ouh..Sunday..."
" Eh..Sunday!! I got Time!"
* Took a pen knife. Took off extensions.*
*Bathed*
* Change In Process....*

Garam hair in process.....

On a side note, had a raya outing with the girlfriends and boyfies to our teachers house and our respective house. Awesome indeed. 3 cars convoy. Had Fun. MBS soon girls!

Parachute.

Selamat Hari Raya!

Selamat Hari Raya To All my muslim friends!

All good things in life

Work has been tough this Ramadhan, been getting a lot of new project and trying to nail a 1/2 million dollar project is super tough. Hope the Al-Mighty will help me through this. Belum cuba belum tahu. The bosses are counting on me. So far I'm all talking but not had yet go through the presentation process. Alhamdulillah we passed the initial stage, so now just left with the convincing of the upper management process. Really need to get down to that presentation process Shaiy...

Other than that i lost 6 kgs in the past month..yeay! Got to get use to the work out sessions and die die must go. If not, I'll definitely gain back those kgs. Life has been good alhamdulillah..been performing my duties as best as possible...Sometimes ada malas jugaklah...but I shall persevere through this.

Alhamdulillah, the effort paid off, they gave me a 15% raise of my current salary after working a year with the company. Though sometimes I feel like giving up and not work. Times when you just feel like sleeping in on a work day. ( sleeping late is not good.)

Thank You Allah for all the good things in life.

Chapter 23 : Life is full of colours.

Life has been good Alhamdulillah...Obstacles are there, I just need to overcome with courage and guidance. Having someone that you can count on to guide you through this very life is superb. I thank Allah for making me realise the mistakes I've done and the opportunity to repent. I thank him for making me realise that the only person that I was waiting for in life was right there all along. I guess the patient paid off. The 1 year courtship knowing you actually meant something. The arguments, the sarcasm the I don't bother at all anymore paid off. To the point that even though we decided to call the courtship off, it went on again unnoticed. Physicality is so far not important in my life, I've never judge a person through the outlook. I always give chances to people to prove themselve to go beyond their looks. Well I guess looks don't really matters to a certain extend of course.

Every single day of this Ramadhan has made me realized how I grew this past 2 years since tragdey strucked. From an immature to a more mature person. Like I said before, Immaturity only leads me to a better learning of maturity. I thank friends who stick through thick and thin with me no matter what life has to offer. Personally has to credit the Bestie for only she understands through and thorugh how I feel.

To my moment of life where I actually go beyond the book. It is a lesson well taught and well learnt. To all the people whom I've known during this period of time, You have all been wonderful great friends. I apologize for making this chapter of Wainbow & Wabbits rather short. When the parents found out, I just couldn't do anything anymore. All I can do is to stray away. I thank you for the beautiful colourful things that you have given me in life and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. As long as the wrong feels right, I pray that you will find the path again whatever orientation you are. God love every single one of us.

Ameen.

Mak kata.

Mak kata jangan main dengan api, nanti rumah terbakar...

Mak kata jangan ketawa banyak banyak, nanti menangis...

I am...I am...

I'm A Thief.
You see I'm a thief, who snatch things with consent,who break into someone's heart and take only what's given.I try not to give,Cause I know someday I will leave.I try not to take, and act all fake.If you stay, I hope it wont be with dismay,If you decides to leave someday, I will not stop and say "Don't go away".Even when you look into my eyes and say you love me,I know in the end, like others we will never be.Though I will embrace the love that you've given me,and not pawn it for anything earth can give me,I'll say I love you when I mean it,I'll be there for you in whatever you need.I'm apologizing first and I'll apologize later,So you'd be ready and won't get more sadder,Let's take things slowly,Cause honey, I'm not leaving that early.-Shaiy-

You want my future, you can't have it.

Shape shifting occurs under a curse or a spell. Heart shifting occurs under the influence of people.

The reason why I left, I'm sure is known public. I know dissapointment happens. It happens to everyone of us. I still remember when we were in the noughties, it was almost a difficult part of life i've to endure. The heartaches, the dissapointments, the piety moments, the darkness, the drunkness, the sleepless nights, the drugs, the fags, the impulses, the crying, now the crying, it was a torture. The sickness, the pity, the sadness, the frustrations, the revenge, the shield, the fuck-ed up moments, the I need to be strong moments, the I so hate guys right now moments, the friday moments, the saturday nights, the anger, now the anger was overwhelming. The didn't give a damn moments, the down moments. Then Happiness came, Then happiness went. Then happiness comes again, but to no where. How can I live with that? If I were to continue, all of the above mention will occur again.

I need a change, I don't need all this.

I need to live up to my quote of " Yesterday I was weaker than today and tomorrrow I shall be stronger than ever.."

I need this, You know I need this. Badly.

Window Pane.

I can't tell you what it really is. I can only tell you what it feels like and right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe.I can't breathe but I still fight .While I can fight as long as the wrong feels right. High of a love, drunk from the hate.It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more that I suffer, I suffocate. You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe?

You cry so hard knowing how love hurts when it was so deep. You never felt that way when they came back crawling telling you things of the past. You've moved on knowing you'll never get hurt again only to find hurt from the same wound. It's like living a nightmare. You should never return to me telling me things I already know. I don't need to hear anything from you. You don't own me.
Yesterday I was weaker than today and tomorrrow I shall be stronger than ever.

Kiki & Lala

I can't wait to have Kiki, he's so adorable. I also can't wait for them to grow up and have kids. I'm constantly looking at cute little kittens. I'm definitely obsessed with them. Can't wait to build a play den room for them in the room balcony. That'll be fun!!

A Monday Blue that turns Effing Black!

Sometimes, listening to other people thoughts about your issues can drive you mad or crazy or both. Times when you asked for opinion but the opinion given is something that is not expected at all or when you don't even ask for opinions, people's mouths can't be controlled. So I suggest this to myself, rather than I kept on thinking about the other party's thoughts, I might as well listen to my own thoughts, listen to my own heart. Why should I waste time thinking about it anyway. To each it's own they say.

On another note, * Sigh *... My first shoot out from a client after almost a year working with the company. I think she's having Pre - Menopause syndrome. Thank God my creative director is the most understanding boss on earth! Honestly never met someone as such. He sat with me to solve the problem that we are facing.( Times when you already told the client it can't be done but client die die want.) DESIGN is NOT MAGIC God damn it!!

A Monday Blue that turns Effing Black!

Anugerah Skrin with the Bestie's Family

As promised, my picture with my new long hair...

Went to Mediacorp today with the bestie to support the ever manja little brother Firuz for 'Anugerah Skrin'. Thank God he got through the next round. So will be seeing bestie again as soon. Good night!

Test Test Test.

Last night I was crazzaay.

Amazingly I could wake up at 9 to rush a 10.30 am meeting at Home Team NS. In the end I was late cause there was no effin Taxi and guess what, I left my ic in my pocket of last night's nightmare. I felt so shitty. Thank god my colleague sat through the meeting while I was one hour late as I went back home to take the i/c and came back there. Thank god the meeting was good and everyone was happy and I got to chuuuiii botak guys. Them was really good looking and damn hot this abang abang police. Went I pass by, I could literally feel the whole troops eyes was on me..(biasalah kan duduk dalam tak nampak banyak sngt perempuan, nyonya cleaner kat dalam pon dorang kira canteekk ar...)..

Can't wait for 6pm to strikee!!! The time is soooo slowww....Will be heading for Mediacorp for Anugerah skrin to support the beloved bestie's lil brother, Firuz Khan. Made some green and black name for him. Hope it's good enough. See you around people! Chow chin chow!

Surprise is on it's way.

Hello people, been on my other blog, so it's a bit dusty here. Got my short hair long. Wasn't very sure about it but it turn out fine. Perhaps some thinks I look better in short hair but perhaps 2 years is a bit two long don't you think so? I like changes, what do you expect right? I'm a designer, I change things every single day. I wanted it so much that I even dream about having it, and so, I went. 300 bucks gone, but like what my aunt once told me, If you want to look pretty you got to go through a bit of pain. Well, this was a bit of pain in the pocket. Will update process and pics soon. Cheers!

Subtle Bitching.

I don't feel like doing this to myself anymore. The subtle condescending notions of the other party is a dagger. It makes me respire every time the thought of it appears on my mind. I got to comply to the rules of nature, but sometimes, the urge is too much to handle. I couldn't agree to the thought that I'm married but single at the same time. Is it true that I'm just wasting time in the scene? Or is it that I am what I am, and others just got to live with it. Who are you to judge what I want in life? You're not any superior than me either. I suggest you leave me alone.

You're just not good enough to achieve it. So live with it. Bitch.

The truth lied.

If only I can read minds, I don't need to wonder about what people real thoughts are. The things they blurt out is often faster then the real things that is going on in their mind. Be it good or bad. Sometimes we just tend to think that the best is to protect the status of things and not tell the whole truth. They say the truth hurts, but to what extend does the truth hurts that it has to lie. I conform to the point that we all need to tell the truth to someone sometimes, but have you think how true is your truth?

IF only we all have the guts to establish a means of platform where we can google each's truth feelings and thoughts, it will do wonders or it'll backfire.

I conclude, lies are genuinely lies but the truth, sometimes lied.

With Permission.

Good Lord, I've been hurting myself, I've been hurting my love ones and most of all, I've been hurting you. I thank you for the wealth of happiness and strength you gave me. Please give me the courage to face all my fears. If he's the one, I pray that you give me the serenity to provide and change. I know I've been really bad as your slave for only I care was to serve myself and not you. I went against all odds and even crossed the lines you've drawn. For only I want is to be a better slave for you. For only I need is someone that can guide me through this. You know what's in my heart, you know what's going on in my head. For only I need is for the betterment of my family and the betterment of myself and my environment. I go through this for only if you want me to go through it, even if it's a test. Dear Lord, You know how I feel deep inside. You know every inch of my thoughts and every plans Im making for my future. I hope you've given me the best that you can give. For I know that's what you've always done. All I want is to be a better follower of the Phrophet and your slave. Insya'Allah. Ameen.

What did i do wrong?

I guess I was misunderstood yet again. *Shaiza*

Tangiblings.

As wished, I got a purple TODS bag. Weeeee....

I got myself a Wii..Got another Wii for my Rayyan.

I got myself two beautiful darling kittens which already cost me $1.3k

I got myself SK skin products which totally broke my card in two. (Mum says you need to start using these things after you've reached 22 years.)

Things pending on getting.

My Nikon Digital Single Lens Reflex camera.

A Macbook Pro. / iMac.

A new 32GB black iphone to replace my current one. I'm not buying blackberries for now. Period.

A trip to New York.

My designer Egg chair.

Ouh on another note, I got into a silly accident which left my new bought Nokia E71 as a back up phone screen shattered into pieces. Went to dinner at simpang bedok with friends, place my wallet and phone (thank god i wasn't using my iphone at that point of time) on the car bonnet. Then guess what, we drove off. We only realized when we heard something drop and when the driver said, oh my god! oh my god! your wallet is outside on the bonnet! Instantly, My face when pale! I was like, Oh my fucking god! My heart felt we were driving in a Ferrari with a 200km/hr speed on a race track when we were only in a Savvy with a 50 km/hr speed on a road somwehere in bedok. Luckily i found where my phone had dropped and the screen shattered. So i need to replace the screen. That's about it. I know, I'm silly. So Sue me.

Kiki & Lala

*Blow* *Blow*. Dusty alrdy.

Well, a short update, I love LALA and I'm soon going to love KIKI too...

LALA is a Ragdoll Mix Siberian. Bought her at $800

Full Name: Lalablu
Age: 2 1/2 months

Eye colour:Blue
Her colour : Seal Point cream coat.
Temperement: Loving, Very active.

KIKI is a Cross Flat face and doll face persian.
Full Name: Kiki Monchichi

Age: 7 weeks
Eye colour: -
His Colour: White with Black. Buying him at $550
Temperement: Will update once I have him.


I love love love...Can't wait wait wait.

Make it work.

I'm trapped in a stampede of voices inside my head. The box is locked, and I can't seem to find the key to the voices. The voices that escapes me are the ones without soul. Now I'm far away from my throat. My throat seems to be only breathing. And my breath full of gasp. This down only gets lower. My soul not wanting to be disturb only drowns itself in the sea of souless voices. The stampede of voice gave me a choice,
"Make it work, or soon you shall be in destruction."

I Feel It All

I feel it all, I feel it all
I feel it all, I feel it all
The wings are wide, the wings are wide
Wild card inside, wild card inside

Oh I’ll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll be the one to hold the gun

Can I know more than I knew before
I know more than I knew before
I didn't rest, I didn't stop
Did we fight or did we talk

Oh I’ll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll be the one to hold the gun

Can I love you more
I love you more
I don't know what I knew before
But now I know I want to win the war

No one likes to take a test
Sometimes you know more is less
Put your weight against the door
Kick-drum on the basement floor
Stranded in a fog of words
Loved him like a winter bird
On my head the water pours
Gulf stream through the open door

Fly away, fly away

I feel it all, I feel it all
I feel it all, I feel it all
The wings are wide, the wings are wide
Wild card inside, wild card inside

Oh I’ll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll end it, though you started it

The truth lies
The truth lied
And lies divide
Lies divide

Next place goes to....TOD'S...

...

Me likey likey....=)..Hope to get it for myself on my birthday or this coming May..we shall see...

Collar Bone

I need to grow back the things i've lost. I'm always never good for anyone. I wish I could dissapear.

Pissed.

Sick and tired of stupid excuses and bullshits. Can jolly well go suck thumb!

Babies are sick.

Aku mabuk dan pening...

Get well soon honey....=(

P-H-U-K-E-T

Next Stop: Patong Beach, Phuket.

I'm A Thief.

You see I'm a thief, who snatch things with consent,
who break into someone's heart and take only what's given.
I try not to give,Cause I know someday I will leave.
I try not to take, and act all fake.

If you stay, I hope it wont be with dismay,
If you decides to leave someday, I will not stop and say "Don't go away".
Even when you look into my eyes and say you love me,
I know in the end, like others we will never be.

Though I will embrace the love that you've given me,
and not pawn it for anything earth can give me,
I'll say I love you when I mean it,
I'll be there for you in whatever you need.

I'm apologizing first and I'll apologize later,
So you'd be ready and won't get more sadder,
Let's take things slowly,
Cause honey, I'm not leaving that early.

-Shaiy- 05/03/10

What the hell was I thinking?!

Egotistical notion.

How can I succumb to your expectations all the time? I got my own ego to deal with. You always think you're more superior than me, that's the only reason it went all in different directions. Even as I'm saying this, you'll say it's all bullshit. You have never stop and think on things that I mentioned about, and yeah, you dont like when people tell you what to do, but have you ever think sometimes it's for the betterment of things?

Thank you for what you have given me, but I've given it all up.

Your EGO has departed.

Till the cows come home.

Finally, Im certain about how i feel. 10 long months I tested and challenge myself with situations and other forms of distraction, and at last it came to a conclusion.

That conclusion is a choice and that choice is YOU.

What the hell?

Ridiculously rude people still lives on this earth surface, saying you're not perfect either but you're not humble either. Have you ever look in the mirror and see? Ouh wait, you can only see the ugliness of the physical outside. I suggest you rip yourself apart and clean your dirty heart. You make me sick in the stomach literally. People like this should be burn alive. You go around telling people's mistake when you yourself had done your fair share. I hate people like you who thinks the world revolves around you. Wake up, look in the mirror and see....why can't anyone love me? Think.

And when I converse in the most respectful way I could, I expect the same. Cause if not, I don't think you should consider yourself someone worth knowing to anyone on earth. F-off.

Eeeee neee meee neee mai neee more....

Of all the umbrellas in the world, the only one i've been eyeing for is a colourful Big Rainbow umbrella! Luv Luv Luv it..I get awed everytime someone else opens one infront of me...someone tell me where i can get one...

*I should not sing the Rihanna song now*

Craving for more...

I guess the flashbacks are not enough. I need the real deal soon honey.

Back to reality.

So I'm back. HK was like Sg when we touched down and suddenly it drop 20 degrees the next day. Weird. So guess what. We had chinese food. And i decided to have a bowl of oysters rice in soup which like I expected, I vomit everything out again. So i stayed with eating salmon and sushi almost everyday and sandwhiches, different kind of them altogether. Really love the awesome crayfish wrap.

Disneyland was childish but in a good way.
Shopping was like everyday non-stop, Bought like 8 different perfumes altogether.
Paul Smith having sale so we bought a lot of shit.
Antoine & Manuell was a great exhibition.
Saw a snatch theif incident that was totally ripped off from a HK movie scene.
Great art hostel. Will update pics soon.

Gong Hei Fa Coi!

Nightmare & Dream.

For a bit, I thought everything was for real, until my alarm clock rang and snoozed and rang. Keep on dreaming i got robbed, got raped. So wierd. Damn weird.
I wonder if it's a sign. If it happens, it's going to scare the shit out of me. Been thinking lately if I should get a bike licence. I got the nerve to ride one meh? But between work and home, it's quite a short distance. So maybe I should. But maybe I Should just complete my car licence and get a car..but i don't think im going to commit myself to that kind of thing. We shall see after i'm back from Hong kong. Maybe I should just do it already. I will, I will.

Bizarre Love Triangle

Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through Into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine But it's a problem I find
Living the life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You say the words that I can't say
I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

Holidays are over-rated!

Dear HK,

I got $5000++ waiting for you.

Upon arriving, the first thing i'm going to hit is your shopping malls and streets before they close for CNY.

After a satisfied shopping spree. I'll hit your Agnes B. Cafe for a much needed french cuisine. I'm so sorry that I can't enjoy your local dish. I feel like vomitting watching No reservations. Except for the last part, the gastronomical restaurant. That, I'll definitely go.

Then I'll head down to Disneyland where all my princesses, cartoon friends and never ever you forget Mickey and Minnie, to welcome me with arms wide open. They have done you years of service! Never you forget that!

Then prolly i go down to see your big buddha. Depends on my spiritual mood okay. No promises.

3rd day is planned out to be design and arts day. So we will go anything artsy and fartsy!

4th day is already CNY Mah..So since our hotel is just outside your parade square, we will join in the fun and try to blend in with the majority okay. I promise!

On the 5th,6th, I'll be going over to Macau, I'm sorry. I need to leave you for a bit. Don't worry, I'll come back.

On the 7th, I'll be making my way back home to Singapore and thank god that the flight ticket to you and back was for FREE.

Cheers!

P.S
I can't wait for this to happen!

Old habits die hard. Even in mind.

I saw you,I said Hi, you just smiled.

"Where's she?"
"She's with my good friend now"
"Wow. Old habit dies hard aye."
"Yeah."
"Pity. Who you with?"
"The band."
"You got a gig?"
"Yeah. at HOME"
"Cool. Wanna grab coffee?"
" Sure."

We fell in love again. Then, Band says:

Hey! let's go! Everyone started to run. I hugged everyone, except for one.
Who the hell is she?

*Snooze button pressed*
-Blank-
*Alarm clock stop button pressed*
*Shower head raining*
*Clothes on*
*Taxi Hailed*

Mastercard.

I conclude, you can never be with that someone that you are madly in love with. You can only get someone that can love you as dearly and as much as you could have love that very person who you are madly in love with. Once a friend quoted, someone who love you more than you do, will stay with you than those who don't. I feel, all we got to do is to open our hearts, open our minds and rest assured you can be happy. Im not saying if you are madly in love with each other that you should break and find someone that you can love less. I'm sure you're adult enough to think. Though, nowadays, we need materials to survive. We no longer need to hunt for food or climb up a tree to pick it up. All we need is a paper that states a value. God damnm it paper. Yes, paper.

So, a cousin of mine is getting married right. And her dowry is $10,418. why that figure? She's marrying on that date, 18 April 2010.
So grandmother ask, how much is my another cousin asking for ? $8000. The difference? The one getting more has no education, no career, no nothing. and the one asking for $8000 has a diploma and earning. And granmum actaully argued to ask for more. The funny part is, they, amongst cousin are talking and debating on how much one's worth.

And so, they conclude that since I'm with the honours degree and a career that pays more than any of my cosuins, I should asked for more.
A simple sentence that came out from me, I'll do my future husband good and ask him to give me a blank cheque.
Cause honey, I'm PRICELESS.


**A World of unreasonable people.**

USS I M S H A G.

I felt beaten up, blood oozing out from my nose, my mouth, my ears; left lying motionless. My mind was raped over and over again. The amount of sanity and ideas being tortured out was immensely abusive. I dragged my body from one end to another, running away from the hands that tortured me under the blazing sun. My lips dried, hand full of dust, body full of dirt. I breathe hard, hard enough so that my body receive enough to pump more blood. I was hiding at the end, nursing my wounds with stained dirty cloth, when I saw a soul coming towards me. I knew very well that figure coming wasn't for salvation, but to rape my mind and torture my soul, over and over again.

Im obsessed with WHITE.

Hi everyone. I'm refurbishing and refurnishing my house. Getting new people to rent some of the rooms out. I'm thinking of having a really white living room. Makes everything look posh and fresh. A white on white background. I'm thinking also to renovate the rooms to look like a designer boutique room with a theme. I think that'll be interesting. Any takers?

Some Inspirations:

Just checking my list of wants.

First of all, I really want to get my hands on a pair of Zaha Hadid's Shoe. Knowing that she's my favourite designer of all time, I just got to get one!

Hoping a dream trip to New York won't be just a dream but a REALITY!
Planning in progress...

I want this soon please! Say 3-5 Yrs? Not this image..you know what I mean.

Getting this soon! or a Macbook Pro. Still thinking.

This I can get anytime, but I don't know. I still like Iphone better.

This, Im not sure. Will it collect dust later? Im not so fond like I use to feel of it.

Definitely more of this, can't believe how cheap this is when you have money. So expensive when you earn none!