Though i consider myself a strong independent person, i find it hard to find the strength and independence when facing with unwanted problems in life...all i want to do is scream in a bucket filled with water so no one else can hear...1st my fan broke down, then my lappie now is giving me unwanted problems...then...my phone went through a screen revolution, and i lost most of my friend's number..it's life ordeal that u just have to face...like they say..if u dun have stress..ur not humane enough perhaps...cause i guess if i dun handle it...i might as well retire and stay home like my two retired grandparents...following strict schedules of pension depending life..rrrriiiggghhhtt..wat the fuck am i talking about..i dun even have savings yet!
Life is life...and i need my drive back...i seem to slip away into realms of fantasies...i need to be back on track on my fucking major project....or i'm doomed....
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Remembering Remembrance.
Lying on my back, watching the tales of life...screening from the back of my mind..From that painful catharsis...you lead me into a realm of untold secrets..a decision i made only to note revenge and protect a wounded soul..once kept in the closet,now i decided to show it off on the dressing table...the vain contradictions of words that you muttered before...i asked..do u know where your heart is? do you think you can find it? or is it that this poor soul has to find it for you? No,not me..never again...
When happiness is made, there is always room for sadness...you climb up so high, you got to climb back down again...jump maybe?..maybe not..Hypocrisy is such a common thing...you don't need to try and explain..just keep it..i rather listen to the sound of music than your self-contradicting words...
Ouh sweet drug...you help me sleep when i need it...those leftover sleeping pills from that saddistic moment when you left...the time when i troubled myself to keep on going..the time when my heart beat so fast it needs drugs to be calmed down..The time when i thought life was over for me...
The heart is still in pain...I thought i'm happy...But on some days when i'm lying on my back watching my mind....the pain is still heart felt...i realised..my heart is still within the wall of it's own hospital....
When happiness is made, there is always room for sadness...you climb up so high, you got to climb back down again...jump maybe?..maybe not..Hypocrisy is such a common thing...you don't need to try and explain..just keep it..i rather listen to the sound of music than your self-contradicting words...
Ouh sweet drug...you help me sleep when i need it...those leftover sleeping pills from that saddistic moment when you left...the time when i troubled myself to keep on going..the time when my heart beat so fast it needs drugs to be calmed down..The time when i thought life was over for me...
The heart is still in pain...I thought i'm happy...But on some days when i'm lying on my back watching my mind....the pain is still heart felt...i realised..my heart is still within the wall of it's own hospital....
Sunday, February 8, 2009
You're my favourite drug.
I shall think i need to go for rehab soon...the amount of your presence prescribed on me is under dosage. Cause your drug is so addictive, i'm having an addiction...and for if i escape rehab, i think i'll be caught up with the addiction..
All that is playing on and on in my head, is the time we've spent together, the care i'm giving u, the countless conversation we had, the wrestling in bed, the morning breakfast, the casual simple lunch break occasions and those crazy things we always say or do...the bullshits,the swears, the getting ons with each other's ass...those relationship problems we shared, those advices, those stories...
When ur sleeping, all i want to do is cuddle with you and rock you like a little baby...when you're so stress, all i want to do is take all your problems away...but still, all i want to do, is to be a friend to you, cause to think otherwise is impossible....
The absence of your presence is heart felt...i miss you already tho we part only hours ago...don't tell me i'm falling for you...cause it'll be so wrong....
Got to check in fast, cause babe, ur my disease....
All that is playing on and on in my head, is the time we've spent together, the care i'm giving u, the countless conversation we had, the wrestling in bed, the morning breakfast, the casual simple lunch break occasions and those crazy things we always say or do...the bullshits,the swears, the getting ons with each other's ass...those relationship problems we shared, those advices, those stories...
When ur sleeping, all i want to do is cuddle with you and rock you like a little baby...when you're so stress, all i want to do is take all your problems away...but still, all i want to do, is to be a friend to you, cause to think otherwise is impossible....
The absence of your presence is heart felt...i miss you already tho we part only hours ago...don't tell me i'm falling for you...cause it'll be so wrong....
Got to check in fast, cause babe, ur my disease....
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The Fence.
Walking around in my head,I walked far and felt something immense,
Turning around, you stood there beyond the fence,
I walked nearer to sense your scent,
but still im on the other side of the fence,
Is it built for division or for defence?
Or is it there just to make my life a dense?
What gives what helps the intuition within me?
The cognition of love that coincides within thee,
The presence of absence that belittles around me
The absence of your presence left me empty,
The love felt is it unlikely?
You chose poetry over prose,
Facts that was seen only in your post,
I know i've not been revealing my most,
But have you ever think of the words you've chose?
Came along a heatwave, a merciful save
I'm hush now, trying not to crave,
My heart is weak i'm trying to be brave,
This is just how my heart is trying to behave.
And still I can't seem to be on the other side,
it's seems so hard which ever way i tried,
it seems the fence was misapplied.
How much more time before this feeling died?
For now,i'm just sitting on the fence,
to climb down back to my past
or jump to where i saw you last...
but still all this is happening in my mind,
i'm walking in it and hope the answers i'll find...
Turning around, you stood there beyond the fence,
I walked nearer to sense your scent,
but still im on the other side of the fence,
Is it built for division or for defence?
Or is it there just to make my life a dense?
What gives what helps the intuition within me?
The cognition of love that coincides within thee,
The presence of absence that belittles around me
The absence of your presence left me empty,
The love felt is it unlikely?
You chose poetry over prose,
Facts that was seen only in your post,
I know i've not been revealing my most,
But have you ever think of the words you've chose?
Came along a heatwave, a merciful save
I'm hush now, trying not to crave,
My heart is weak i'm trying to be brave,
This is just how my heart is trying to behave.
And still I can't seem to be on the other side,
it's seems so hard which ever way i tried,
it seems the fence was misapplied.
How much more time before this feeling died?
For now,i'm just sitting on the fence,
to climb down back to my past
or jump to where i saw you last...
but still all this is happening in my mind,
i'm walking in it and hope the answers i'll find...
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